UPDATE: ‘Earthlings, we mean you no harm’
12:21 07 January 2013
Aliens from Mars cease trade with Earth after ‘privacy infringed’. Angry aliens say they only visited Axminster to buy carpet and that they would have given evidence to the Leveson Inquiry.
Claims that alien craft are amassing over Millwey Rise, Axminster, have prompted two ‘aliens’ to get in touch.
Following our front page report last week, in which Ray Johnson said he had photographic evidence of UFOs hovering over the estate, N Zorduzt E T told us in an email: “We mean you no harm and I can assure you that there are no plans to invade your planet.
“As all your readers will be aware, Axminster is home to one of the finest tool shops in this quadrant of the galaxy and it should come as no surprise to you to find life forms visiting it from great distances.
“Admittedly, we have probably travelled the furthest to date.
“We have been visiting for a while now and some of us have even found gainful employment in the shop itself.”
The address and home planet of the author was supplied.
The Herald has now received a written communication from Domino Rygal XXII, allegedly of Mars but with a second home in St John’s Close, Colyton, to complain that his species’ privacy has been infringed.
Domino wrote: “As a long-time resident of Milky Way, I regularly visit Axminster for its carpets which, for decades, have furnished our spacecraft and Imperial Planet Homeworld.
“Following your publication of our visits, we have decided to cease trade with your planet.
“We value our privacy and our only regret is that we were unable to provide this sorry episode as evidence in your Lord Leveson Inquiry.”