What are you going to throw at us this year? - Furrowed Brow

man offer alcohol but woman refuses

Dry January has become a popular New Year's resolution - Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Hello 2021, and what are you going to throw at us this year? More doom and gloom? Or maybe, if we promise not to socialise too much, we can have just a glimmer of hope, happiness even, coming our way. Over to you. Be gentle with us. 

Of course, by now we will all have sworn to make some New Year resolutions and due to a lack of fortitude will probably have sworn a few times and given up on them as well. 

Some folk make so many so-called life changing decisions that they sound like revolutions not resolutions. But we humans are fickle and from my observations each new generation is becoming even more so. These days, decisions and plans are changed almost as regularly as the furniture and decor of the homes of this new ‘throwaway society’. 

As resolutions go, Dry January is probably the most popular by far. So much so that it has almost become a cliche. 

Usually this hastily made decision has been influenced by the raging stampede of hangover buffalos that are charging around your head after heavily imbibing in what an old friend of mine would call “the devil’s poison” on the eve of the year. 

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I have to confess that on groggily waking up on the morning (well, afternoon,) after such an evening of merriment with good friends, I was horrified to find that I had no recollection of the walk or stagger home from an excellent night of revelry. 

On the floor lay my crumpled suit and accompanying attire; totally caked in mud and cow excrement and my limbs covered in micro cuts from brambles after an encounter with goodness knows what; or who? 

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Panic set in and my vow to abide to Dry January was announced- much to the amusement of my family and even more so of my friends. But I was resolute, mind strong and never more determined about anything in my life. 

I, of course shamefully only lasted until the 12th of January. Easily seduced by a rather fine bottle of port in the cupboard. Fickle me. Well, there’s always next year. 

Almost as popular is that foolish self-promise of a Keep Fit regime. The ‘new you’. But just like good old Del Boy announcing that ‘this time next year Rodney, we will be millionaires,’ we all know that the a very high percentage of newly bought exercise equipment; the ab trainer, the exercise bike, the stepper and all the necessary associated gym clobber will be on the ‘buy and sell’ social media pages before the end of the month. Usually listed as ‘brand new,’ even  ‘brand new with tags,’ or ‘used only a couple of times’. 

My favourite though is the ‘unwanted present’. Very dangerous ground this one; because if the statement is true (doubtful) then the purchaser of said ‘gift’ is probably a friend or relative and will be appalled to see your disrespectful posting. 

You then face the ignominy of awkwardly apologising to said person. Still, on the plus side it probably means one less present to buy next year. 

Maybe all these misgivings are down to the cynic in me (yes, it was a surprise to me as well when I found out.) The facts and figures though bear me out. 

Last year in the UK, twenty five percent of the population made resolutions on New Year's Day. Before the end of February more than eighty percent of those hopeful promises to self had fallen by the wayside. Dreams and goals squashed into the mud and cow excrement of life like, er…a suit. 

My own personal goal each year has been to give up biting my nails, but then that has been ongoing since 1971! 

Maybe just deciding to be a more reliable, compassionate, kindly and sympathetic person will sate my conscience this year. Yeah right! 

Happy New Year.

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